But we also know that if we keep holding resentment in our hearts we are only adding more hurt to what has already been inflicted on us. The perpetrators are going on their merry path of destruction, not even looking back, and we are the ones suffering the consequences long after the event. We begin to realize that keeping and holding offense is a miserable way to spend our lives. We have got to find a way to forgive. And so we embark on the process.
Forgiving does not mean we think it is OK for someone to molest us, rape us, or violently abuse us in any way. It means we no longer hold onto the resentment that causes us additional pain. We must seek out a process that releases us from this thralldom. And it does not come naturally. We must consciously and deliberately release our upset and get to the place where we can just let it go naturally.
It is definitely a process—a process that works well for us one day and on others we backslide into old patterns of blame and self-pity. Each time we think of the offending person, we must release and let them go—out of our consciousness and out of our world. As we keep reminding ourselves to let go, it becomes easier and easier to free ourselves from the psychological pain of it all. It is not overnight and for some it takes a lifetime.