The Universe controls us. Very little is actually under our control. Our circulatory system, our beating heart, our digestion, almost anything inside us is beyond our control. If I asked my pancreas to stop secreting pancreatin right now, what would be the result? It is beyond my control.

The only thing inside us that we can control is our thinking (sometimes our breathing to a certain extent). And even our thinking runs wild most of the time. What we can do is rely on spirituality to give us techniques and methods to manage our thoughts and feelings.

If we have no control over most of what goes on inside our body, do we presume to be able to control the fundamental laws of the universe outside of us? They are just as ungovernable as our gall bladders. In truth, Universal laws control us. It’s not, and never will be, the other way around.
​
Science can provide answers to question about how physical laws, such as thermodynamics and gravity work. It can provide psychology, which discovers how the mind works. But when it comes to the Soul, only spirituality gives us access. And spirituality is not about fighting or controlling the way things are. It is peacefully accepting that we are in the hands of forces much greater than our minds. We go with it in awe and wonder and don’t try to control it.

In Western psychology we are busy building up a special person that we represent to ourselves and to the world. This person has needs, wants, and desires—especially to survive. It is restless or dissatisfied with how things are and is always looking for ways to improve, get better, do more, be more, and make a mark in history, or at least in our families or our work. This person, or sense of self, notices what’s wrong and does things to fix them. Only to find that the solution becomes a new problem.

In Buddhism, we are all individual reflections of the Self of the Universe, like many leaves on the same tree. This Self is the source energy from which all visible and invisible things emerge and then return to. It is perfect, whole, and complete and does not need to be fixed. It does not need to survive because it is all there is and all that ever will be. It does not have to prove anything to gain recognition, acknowledgment, or adulation. It is not the voice in the head that is constantly judging.

We can call the human sense of self, the “little me.” The Universal Self is the “big me.” The little me can also be called the “ego.” It needs to be special. Fear is a big motivator with the little me. It lives in an anxiety of churning thoughts and defensive behaviors. “Look at me, aren’t I fabulous because I can do all this stuff?” Or, “I’m a mess trying to hold it all together, I hope no one else notices. I shouldn’t have said that. I shouldn’t have done that.” It doesn’t bring peace and it leads to suffering. So, developing a strong sense of it is not a solution to unhappiness.

Once, when the Dalai Lama was at a gathering, someone asked him what Buddhists thought of the human ego. He asked what it was because he didn’t even know what it was. And after they described something similar to what I wrote above, he said something along the lines of, “We don’t such a thing.” But at first he didn’t even know what it was.

Once he understood what ego, or the little me is, the Dalai Lama said that the ego is the enemy of compassion and that the purpose of practicing the Buddha's teachings is to eliminate ego. He has also said “The greater the ego, the more vulnerable a person is.” In other words, developing a strong sense of self opens us to more suffering.

He also said:

• “A person grows stronger as the ego becomes more transparent".
• "Selfishness is short-sighted and narrow-minded. The more you dedicate yourself to others, the happier you'll be."
• "There is nothing inherently wrong with pursuing one's own interests but being excessively self-focused can make your instinct for self-interest negative."
• "A narrow perspective (on the little me) can lead to frustration and seem unbearable".
• “Beings who know they aren't special don't suffer. They don't suffer because there is no ego to defend.”

The Western concept of the separate little self doesn’t work and is one of the root causes of all the interpersonal strife in this world. It is a sign of weakness because it is not aligned with the Source of All that Is. In All that Is, everything is special and nothing is special, especially the little me that thinks it exists apart from the powerful forces of the Universe. It disappears anyway at the end so it looks futile to keep strengthening it.
​
Therefore, the Western sense of self does not reconcile with the Buddhist understanding of the Eternal Self, or Soul, of the universe. In Buddhism, it’s wonderful to express every talent we have and keep growing in our skills. But ultimately, if it is not for the glory of the One, higher Self, it will be destructive and lead to misery. Not just for the individual, but everyone on the planet, as we can clearly see in the daily news.